I looked at the margin.
Eleanor had underlined a sentence and written, "Margaret is wrong."
Below it, in another handwriting, "Am not. Maggie."
Grandma burst out laughing.
I laughed with her.
Then she reached for my hand.
"James, I wish she'd known I'd forgiven her."
"I think she knew you loved her."
"That's not quite the same thing."
"No," I said. "I guess it isn't."
We sat quietly.
Then Grandma turned the page.
"Keep reading."
So I did.
I still had bills to pay and classes to finish.
I still missed Eleanor.
Her children might never believe me.
But I no longer felt I had to prove that what we'd shared mattered.
Eleanor had seen something in me that I'd struggled to see in myself.
And sitting beside Grandma, reading a book two girls had loved more than 50 years earlier, I finally understood.
Eleanor hadn't taught me how to be worthy of love.