“She’s not placed with me.”
Luke told me they had entered care together years earlier, when Emma was still little.
“Where is she?”
Luke swallowed.
“She was adopted.”
Her name was Emma.
She was nine now.
He made her breakfast. Got her ready for school. Helped with homework.
Luke told me they had entered care together years earlier, when Emma was still little.
“I basically raised her,” he said.
He made her breakfast. Got her ready for school. Helped with homework. When she woke up scared, she went looking for him.
Then a family offered Emma a permanent home.
“They didn’t have room for me,” Luke said.
“I was fourteen. They kept asking what I thought was best for her.”
“Who told you that?”
“Everybody. They said Emma deserved stability.”
I felt anger rising.
“And you agreed?”
“I was fourteen. They kept asking what I thought was best for her.”
After the separation, Luke began sabotaging his placements.
He laughed bitterly.
“So I said yes.”
After the separation, Luke began sabotaging his placements.
Not dramatically.
He never became violent.
“Mostly. Sometimes I just didn’t feel like talking anymore.”
He simply learned how to make people give up.
“I’d stop talking,” he said.
“On purpose?”
“Mostly. Sometimes I just didn’t feel like talking anymore.”
“What else?”
“Because if I got adopted somewhere else, Emma might think I chose another family over her.”
“Refuse outings. Stay in my room. Say stuff I knew would hurt them.”
“Why?”
His chin shook.
“Because if I got adopted somewhere else, Emma might think I chose another family over her.”
Suddenly, ten placements looked completely different.
Once, when a foster mother started discussing permanent guardianship, he packed his bags before she could finish.
“Did every family reject you?”
Luke shook his head.
“How many did you push away?”
“I don’t know.”
“Luke.”
“Because leaving hurts less when you decide when it happens.”
“Most.”
Once, when a foster mother started discussing permanent guardianship, he packed his bags before she could finish.
“I wanted to leave first.”
“Why?”
“Because leaving hurts less when you decide when it happens.”
Then he said the part that broke me.
I had to look away.
Then he said the part that broke me.
“I was going to do it to you.”
I turned back.
“What?”
Despite everything, I almost laughed.
“When I moved in, I had a plan. Give it a couple months. Then start acting different.”
