David simply stared at me.
And in the silence, I heard my own life.
Don’t do laundry while David is awake.
Don’t shower unless he’s asleep.
Don’t leave the house unless Janet comes over.
Don’t sleep too deeply.
Don’t relax.
Don’t go anywhere.
Don’t live.
Part 3 — What Our Wedding Vows Really Meant
After a long silence, David asked me something I wasn’t prepared for.
“Do you remember our wedding vows?”
I almost laughed.
“Of course.”
“In sickness and in health?”
“Yes.”
“Did they mention you becoming an entire medical department?”
Despite everything, a tiny smile pulled at my mouth.
“You’re joking now?”
“I’m making an argument.”
“You’ve always enjoyed making arguments.”
“That’s why you married me.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I married you because you were impossible.”
His face brightened.
“There you are.”
That broke something open inside me.
I leaned forward until my forehead rested against his shoulder.
He smelled like soap and the medicated lotion I rubbed into his hands every morning and evening.
For the first time in months, I let myself say the thought I had been afraid even to admit.
“I feel like I’m abandoning you.”
David rested his cheek against my hair.
“You would be abandoning me if you put me somewhere and never came back.”
I lifted my head.
He took a careful breath.
“If I move there because I need professional care, and you visit every day and complain about the coffee, that’s still marriage.”
I laughed through my tears.
“Bring some of my clothes.”
“Obviously.”
“My good shirts.”
“Which ones?”
“Not that blue plaid thing.”
“You’ve worn that shirt for twenty years.”
“Against my will.”
“You bought it.”
“I made mistakes.”
I laughed again.
His expression softened.
“Bring the gray sweater.”
“Okay.”
“My watch too.”
I glanced at the drawer.
“The watch is why I opened the nightstand.”
“I guessed.”
I was still holding his letter.
“I haven’t read all of it.”
“Finish it later.”
“Do you want me to read it out loud?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
He grimaced.
“I was probably overly dramatic.”
I held up the page.
“You basically told me I had waited too long.”
“That does sound like me.”
That afternoon, David slept while I sat in the living room reading the final page.
It was the hardest part.
