I frowned.
“When you woke up, you asked him if he knew how to make pancakes shaped like stars.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“You were four.”
She placed the cutter on the table.
“He called me that afternoon. He was crying so hard I could barely understand him.”
I stared at her.
“He said he’d made the pancakes.”
Caroline’s eyes filled with tears.
“He said he had spoken Miley’s name aloud for the first time in years… and he hadn’t fallen apart.”
My fingers tightened around the edge of the table.
“He didn’t give you something that belonged to his daughter,” she said.
“You gave him a way to remember her without believing the memory would destroy him.”
The kitchen blurred through my tears.
“Then what was the lie?”
Caroline looked toward the window.
“After your mother died, Frank packed his truck.”
My heart stopped.
“He planned to leave?”
“He drove here the night after the funeral.”
She paused.
“He said your aunt could raise you. He said staying would be selfish.”
“Selfish?”
“He was terrified.”
Caroline’s voice broke.
“He told me, ‘Every time Rosalie laughs, I hear Miley. Every time she runs toward the street, I stop breathing. I can’t survive burying another daughter.'”
I could barely breathe.
“He promised me he would stay.”
“He made that promise after he came here.”
Caroline reached across the table.
“He sat in this kitchen until dawn. He kept saying he wasn’t strong enough to love another child.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him not to leave because he was afraid of loving you.”
She smiled sadly.
“I told him to stay because he already did.”
A sob escaped me.
“What happened?”
“He came home that morning.”
Caroline continued.
“He unpacked the truck before you woke up. He thanked your aunt for being there with you.”
Then she looked at me.
“And after that, he crawled beneath the kitchen table and promised you he would never leave.”
I covered my mouth.
That promise had been the foundation of my entire life.
I had always believed Frank made it without hesitation.
I had believed he stayed simply because I needed him.
Now I understood there had been another side to that morning.
“He almost left me,” I whispered.
“Yes.”
The answer hurt because Caroline didn’t soften it.
“But he turned back.”
